true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
