i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Randomize
