So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
im holly from the hills drunk
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
