Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Sext me about skeletons
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
