peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We had sex on a dog bed..
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
