i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
