I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
