i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
where are you?
Hypothermia
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
