He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
