i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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