That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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