what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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