I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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