I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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