You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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