We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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