Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
