lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
