escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
