Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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