He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
