About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
