I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
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