You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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