I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
