what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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