How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
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Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
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It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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