Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
