At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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