i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
