so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
