I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
