I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
