Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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