I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
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Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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