idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
