just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
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Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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