Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
