I wanna passion pit in your ass
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
