I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
