She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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