Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I didn't notice because vodka
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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