puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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