epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I pour the whiskey from now on
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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