fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
