Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Someone shattered a urinal.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
