So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
