i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
