Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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