I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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