my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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