I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
