Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
