i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
