Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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