I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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