just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
