Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
