Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
