So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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