My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I have aggressive nipples.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
