So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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