need another drink. this is the easiest way
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
