I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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