My sheets look like a crime scene.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So here I am, sexting at work.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
