I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Its about making memories worth repressing
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
